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2009-07-03 22:33:27 by mrpibbs1

Jeff Goldblum is confirmed to be in rEALMS3 as the golden practitioner.
Also Bernie Mac is confirmed to be in every movie in existence. It is true, don't ask me how I found out but he is in every single movie. It might seem strange, because you think he's dead. Well he's not.
Jeff Goldblum,



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2009-07-03 23:14:20

That's a relief, but are you sure his families okay with you using his dead rotting corpse like a puppet?

mrpibbs1 responds:

His family is too silly to be dealt with. They are all floating.


2009-07-16 19:22:50

John, the kind of control you're attempting is not possible. If there's one thing the history of evolution has taught us, it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free. It expands to new territories. It crashes through barriers painfully, maybe even dangerously, but - well, there it is... All I'm saying is that life finds a way.

(Updated ) mrpibbs1 responds:

HAMMOND: Whatever.

GRANT: What species is this?

DR. WU: Uh, velociraptor.

GRANT: You bred raptors?

DR. WU: (to audience) YES. VELOCIRAPTORS.

Jeff just gave me the script, so now I can finish this conversation. Wow I'm lucky he always has the script of every movie he's ever been in in his pocket.

The DR. WU set is pulled completely offstage, followed by our cast. Some trees or something are brought out to let us all know that now we are outside. A large cage sits off to one side of the stage, containing a riled up VELOCIRAPTOR.

THE GANG walks onstage, opposite the cage. They look in, intrigued, as usual.

in, intrigued, as usual.

HAMMOND: Alejandro is preparing a delightful meal for us. A Chilean sea bass, I believe. Shall we?

A whole, living goat is lowered from above or just tossed into the cage with the VELOCIRAPTOR, who immediately beings tearing the fucking shit out of it. This continues throughout the scene, until the goat is annihilated beyond all recognition and belief. They all stare in horror/awe.

HAMMOND: These bad boys are gonna be REALLY popular.

MULDOON: (swaggering onstage) They should all be destroyed.

When Muldoon talks, you listen.

HAMMOND: Robert. Robert Muldoon, my game warden from Kenya. Bit of an alarmist, I'm afraid, But he's dealt with the raptors more than anyone.

GRANT: What kind of metabolism do they have? What's their growth rate?

MULDOON: They're lethal at eight months. And I do mean lethal. I've hunted most things that can hunt you, but the way these things move -

GRANT: Fast for biped?

MULDOON: Cheetah speed. Fifty, sixty miles per hour if they ever got out in the open. And they're astonishing jumpers.

HAMMOND: Yes, yes, yes, which is why we take extreme precautions.

HAMMOND and SATTLER take up a conversation that the audience cannot hear or care about as GRANT and MULDOON continue.

GRANT: Are they intelligent?

MULDOON: Extremely intelligence, even problem solving intelligent. Especially the big one. We bred eight originally, but when she came in, she took over the pride and killed all but two of the others. That one - -when she looks at you, you can see she's working things out. That's why we have to feed 'em like this. She had them all attacking the fences when the feeders came.

SATTLER: But the fences are electrified!

MULDOON: That's right. But they never attack the same place twice. They were testing the fences for weaknesses. Systematically. They remember.

The VELOCIRAPTOR screams with delight as she continues to destroy the goat. Hammond claps his hands together excitedly.

HAMMOND: Who's hungry?


The outdoor scenery is removed. A long table is set up with tasty foods on it for the actors to eat. Several large pictures of potential Jurassic Park rides are diplayed on easels behind them. The table is set with plates and silverware, all of which bear the Jurassic Park logo. The actors eat continuously throughout the scene, probably speaking their lines through mouthfuls of food. Although there are no visual cues to indicate this, we know they are eating dinosaur meat and drinking dinosaur blood.

HAMMOND: None of these attractions are ready yet, of course. The
park will open with the basic tour you're about to take, and then other rides will come on line after six or twelve months. Absolutely spectacular designs. Spared no expense. Spared no expense. Spared no expense!!!

L.AWYER: And we can charge anything we want! Two thousand a day, ten thousand a day - - people will pay it! And then there's the merchandising - -

HAMMOND: Lawyer, this park was not built to carter only to the super rich. Everyone in the world's got a right to enjoy these animals.

LAWYER: Sure, they will, they will. (laughing) We'll have a - - coupon day or something. HE IS EVIL.

HAMMOND laughs weirdly.

MALCOLM: The lack of humility before nature that's been displayed here staggers me.

LAWYER: Thank you, Dr. Malcolm, but I think things are a little different than you and I feared.

I'm bored


2009-07-19 03:08:13

You know in the book Goldblums character dies and the lawyer lives. But Steven Spielberg doesn't like lawyers.

mrpibbs1 responds:

In fact he hates them! Here's a part from a news article: "Steven Spielberg killed a lawyer! His lawyer!"